I am a freshman in college.  It's going pretty well so far. I attend Southwest Baptist University which is about an hour and thirty minutes away from my parents so I see them a lot. Probably more than a college student has the right to, haha. Seriously, I go home every weekend. It's not because I'm having problems adjusting so don't suggest it. I just like my bed, my dog, my family, and my families cooking more than I like being at school. Shrug. Is that so awful? Some of the girls in my dorm apparently so.

 Despite my hardly ever being on campus I have managed to make a few friends. Sadly, they're all seniors this year and my favourite one graduated this past semester. I am sad. He's like my brother and I will for reals miss him. On a brighter note: now that he is gone, my grades are going to seriously kick ass. He was a huge distraction haha =)

 I am pretty darn sure I will be majouring in history. Not exactly sure what I am going to do with it but I guess have three and a half years to figure that bit out, right? ...right? Actually if any of ya'll have any ideas or suggestions ( I never understood why people say that. I mean, aren't they pretty much the same thing. Uhm...hypocritcial moment. Sorry.) that'd be swell. You know what would make it down right neato?

If you would let me know.

   I really like SBU. It's a great school. The thing is...because it is a Baptist school they don't really have classes that pertain to my particular historical interests. I am more interested in a cultures beliefs than really anything else. I also really love folklore. I am a Christian but it would be nice to attend a class where the people's beliefs we're studying wouldn't be scoffed at or ignored entirely. I just want to be able to discuss it like it was real and not some idiotic paganistic ritual a bunch of heathens came up with. As I mentioned, I am a Christian but who wouldn't have fun singing and running around a bonfire?!

Yeah, I know. How ridiculously stereotypical of me lol. But seriously, it is loooooooads of fun!

It is impossible to be happy all the time. There will always be a time when you feel bad, hurt, upset, or depressed because someone has let you down. Would you like to know why? Because people are selfish and only care for themselves and theirs, and you, my dear friends, are far too trusting. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking. People do good things all the time, right? They give to poor. Volunteer at animal shelters. Help their thirty year olde buddies finally move out of their mother’s basements. Those aren’t selfish acts at all…until you ask yourself why they did all that. Was it because they felt bad and wanted to make a difference? Did they find a place where they could help out at their convenience? They were probably just bribed by their friend and the prospect of being able to watch the big game on his big screen, without being interrupted by his mother asking if you guys wanted microwavable pizza. If you were to ask them, they would say something along the lines of: it makes you feel good, knowing you helped someone out. So, they helped because it made them feel better about themselves? Don’t tell me that that’s not a little bit selfish. In case you haven’t already come to a conclusion about me or you’re just waiting for affirmation, yes, I am cynical.

Cynicism has a few negative connotations. Right now, you’re probably thinking about what a horrible person I am, when in reality, I’m not all that bad. The original cynics were actually members of a sect of ancient Greek philosophers who believed virtue to be the only good and self-control to be the only means of achieving virtue, thank you dictionary.com. Today, cynics are described as those who believe that self-interest is the motive of all human conduct.

Niccolò Machiavelli was an Italian diplomat, political philosopher, musician, poet and playwright. His claim to fame however, is The Prince. The Prince could be described as a work of realist political theory. Basically it’s a How to Book for prince’s, telling them how to gain and maintain power. Machiavelli expresses that the greatest moral good is a virtuous and stable state, and sometimes in order to achieve this virtue and protect the country anything goes, no matter how cruel.

Okay, so that’s a little harsh but keep in mind that Machiavelli spent his entire life in Florence when it was going through some serious political conflict and he was sick of it. He was also a diplomat and they’re always a little screwed up. The man had a plan and when you think about it, it makes sense. He claims a good leader should be feared but loved. And if only one was possible, go with fear. Treaties made in peace only mean something between the two people who made it. People change and are easily overcome by greed. A treaty made in fear is not easily broken.

Brains, sarcasm, pretty blue eyes, a cane, and a Vicodin addiction. Ring any bells? Why it’s Gregory House Ph. D. of course! The epitome of cynicism in today’s world. He loves intimidating people by picking them apart in just a few minutes and he can figure out a person’s motive with just a few moments of observation. Hey, and guess what? They’re usually motivated by something selfish.

House lacks sympathy and empathy towards his patients which ultimately allows him to solve whatever pathological enigma is being thrown his way. His colleague, Dr. James Wilson, describes House as instead of having “Messiah complex”-the need to save the world, he has the “Rubik’s complex”- the need to solve the puzzle.

W. Somerset Maugham stated that “if to look truth in the face and not resent it when it’s unpalatable, and take human nature as you find it…is to be cynical, then I suppose I’m a cynic.” I love the fact that he just comes out and says it. If this is what a cynic is then yeah, that’d be me.

I mentioned before that I’m cynical, yes? Yeah, I’ve also been described as “happy-go-lucky.” I don’t expect anything from anyone, so in the end I have nothing to be disappointed about when they don’t deliver. I don’t let them affect me.

Sure, my cynicism is something of a safety mechanism but you can blame The History Channel for that one. I was the five year olde that would come home from school and watch little baby gazelles get eaten by the big bad lions and documentaries on Hitler and the Salem Witch Trials. Then as the years went by I began noticing the similarities between what was going on in my television and what was going on in the world I actually lived in. The world isn’t that great of a place. What a fun realization that was!

Cynic’s have a way with preparing for the worst. For every good there’s something equally bad. According to H.L. Mencken, “a cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.” And I got to say it’s nice when you don’t find one, at least not yet anyway.

People everywhere are constantly getting let down, again and again by the ones that are closest to them. We don’t live in a Utopian society and not everyone is trustworthy. I’m not saying that there aren’t good people out there, but as a whole people don’t always come through. It really hurts when you allow someone close to you and they end up using or disappointing you. And sometimes it can cause more than just emotional pain.

Stop believing that everyone follows the Golden Rule, that you’re safe from the cruel nature of people, get used to disappointment, and expect it. One of my favourite fictional characters of all time, Westley, from the Princess Bride said that “life is pain…Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.” So, even if you break down and buy whatever they’re selling, you won’t be the least bit upset when it breaks after two uses.

You know, I've never really been into the whole blogging thing. It's just not my style, I guess. Also, come to think of it, nothing that I think the world would be interested in happens to me. But my journalist professor recommended it...so here I am.

I guess the theory behind it is pretty cool. You can write your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or lies and share them with people around the world. They leave their comments and insights. It brings the world closer together. But who wants to read paragraph upon paragraph of complaints from people you don't really know, and care about even less?

*shrug* Maybe I'm just being cynical and inconsiderate of other's feelings...thoughts, beliefs, or lies. But like I said, I thought I would give this a try...

I don't know. Maybe I'll end up enjoying this and maybe you'll eventually like what I have to offer (which probably isn't much).

Courtney